u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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