i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There r osticjed everywhere
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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