If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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