I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
