your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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