i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
