They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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