it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
