dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
