I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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