I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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