im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
