i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
