so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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