4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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