he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
this hospital has no fireball
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
