On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
