Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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