The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
