hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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