I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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