erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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