I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
