There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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