Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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