Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
