I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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