Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
