***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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