Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
