Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
