Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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