Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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