hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
