sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
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Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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