i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
