This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
