i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
