my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
