Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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