apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize