uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
