i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
