I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
