i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just found a bag of teeth...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
