i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
