maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
