I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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