got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
