dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
