Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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