And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
