We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
