My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want nice things and good sex
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
