I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
