wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
