He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
