i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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