how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
