Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.