watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If its not for food we ain't going out.