She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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