is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL