Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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(908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. http://tfl.nu/5whx

Replies (91) Good night (1308) Bad night (24335)
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(303): View more from Colorado

she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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(303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7

Replies (69) Good night (10323) Bad night (1257)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.

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(617): Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar. http://tfl.nu/mo7u

Replies (8) Good night (3639) Bad night (580)
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(786): View more from Florida

I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.

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(786): I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS. http://tfl.nu/52c3

Replies (24) Good night (948) Bad night (3930)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.

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(507): I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is. http://tfl.nu/v0y7

Replies (9) Good night (930) Bad night (2658)
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(210): View more from Texas

Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

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(210): Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later..... http://tfl.nu/qwdm

Replies (2) Good night (5161) Bad night (1101)
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(518): View more from New York

i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you

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(518): i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you http://tfl.nu/aqjq

Replies (8) Good night (2906) Bad night (1281)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.

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(+44): It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice. http://tfl.nu/unne

Replies (7) Good night (3470) Bad night (1001)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.

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(908): You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution. http://tfl.nu/9oem

Replies (4) Good night (2425) Bad night (709)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem

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(330): Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem http://tfl.nu/va1i

Replies (10) Good night (1609) Bad night (640)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.

(440): View more from Ohio

The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.

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(440): Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions. (440): The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America. http://tfl.nu/cnoq

Replies (14) Good night (1619) Bad night (607)
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(512): View more from Texas

Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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(512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii

Replies (9) Good night (984) Bad night (445)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!

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(720): Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA! http://tfl.nu/6cz6

Replies (8) Good night (1291) Bad night (260)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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(440): Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.' http://tfl.nu/rdeh

Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (402)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home

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(306): these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home http://tfl.nu/81oz

Replies (0) Good night (802) Bad night (251)

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