How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
