4 words: hood of his car
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
