just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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