You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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