You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
