It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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