is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
