So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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