i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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