Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
