I just pynch a tree in the face
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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