Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
