so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize