You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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