who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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