Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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