I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
