i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
