I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
