Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
