I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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