yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
