So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
