just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
