i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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