He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
