Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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