My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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