is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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