does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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