I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They have beer where we have blood.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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