Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
