i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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