1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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